Random thoughts...

Its late and I should be in bed. But I'm not. I'm semi-awake and trying to sort out my thoughts.

The news conference is a week from today and I am already feeling a lot of anxiety about it. I'm not scared about talking about what happened, I am more nervous about WHAT to say. I don't want to say the wrong thing. How do I sum up 15 years of healing in 5 minutes? I don't think my finger nails can handle this much longer.

I also wanted to share an experience that I had this last week at commonwealth. (That is where I teach my Shakespeare class. Shakespeare is one of many classes taught there.) I was asked to participate in a simulation for the Hero class. ( A simulation is a tool that we use at the commonwealth to help the scholars go through stressful situations while being in a safe setting. They learn how to think on their toes and they learn how to make really hard decisions at the same time. )

The class was studying Pearl Harbor and their mentors planned a simulation surrounding the attack on Pearl Harbor. James came with me to help.

I was given a name and a situation that I was in. The scholars had to come and rescue me. My injury was shrapnel in my leg -so I couldn't walk very easily- and my eyes had been injured so that I couldn't see. (I even closed my eyes the whole time!)

The scholars quickly found me and assessed the situation. They had a difficult time deciding what to do. The girl that was in charge was not comfortable being in charge. She would much rather follow orders than give orders. I can relate to that..when I was younger I never wanted to appear "mean" or "confrontational" --who does anyway? I always associated the one "in charge and giving orders" to being "mean." I would think "What if I made the wrong choice? What if I look stupid? And I always thought others could do it better." (Wow did you follow all of those quotes?!) The gal that was in charge, she has it in her to make the tough calls, she just doesn't know it yet. She will be a powerful leader someday.

The time came when the scholars realized that they had to move me. Physically move me. Quite a ways. At first, we tried to hobble down the hall. Since my right leg was injured, I relied on my left leg, which isn't my strong leg. My hopping was more like dragging and it wasn't going very well. Each time they tried to set me down "nicely" I would fall to the ground since my left leg is a wimp. So there I was, crumpled on the floor of the hallway with the time running out to get me to safety.

That's when things got a little....out of my control.

The group knew they needed to move me. I was going into shock (a simulated shock!) and so I wasn't able to help much anymore. The next thing I knew, the group announce, "Everyone grab her, lets pick her up." At that moment I was ready to jump up and say "I'm healed! Its a miracle!!" But I listened to that small voice and didn't say anything.

I am not a twiggy shaped gal. I am more of a 230lb bowling ball shape. When the scholars literally lifted me up there I was a wee bit overcome. I was a little freaked out, a little scared, and felt awholelotta awe for the youth. They proceeded to carry me to safety.

As the group was heaving me to safety I had a couple of thoughts going through my head. (Besides OH MY HECK!) The thought of how we, as adults and parents, are literally trusting our children-the youth- to get us to safety in the future. To get our country to safety. We have to teach them the principles that they will need so that they can make the difficult decisions. They are the ones that will be leaders when I am gray (more gray) in fifteen to twenty short years.

The youth these days are amazing and I totally trust them.

It was a great experience, I am so glad I was able to be part of it. :-)

Oh...and I hope you never have to have a root canal. Nuff said there.